Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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