I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
