I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
