i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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