You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
don't judge my taste in strippers
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
