eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize