Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
please don't ironically join a cult
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