The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
