I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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