let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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