He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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