Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
