We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
