Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
