why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
