He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
