So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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