Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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