im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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