sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
