YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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