sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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