you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
