And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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