So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
