I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
