I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
