I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
