i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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