Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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