I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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