once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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