Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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