my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
