He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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