Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
