dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
