shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize