It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
