I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
