If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
