Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
