there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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