What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
