I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
