yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
