Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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