I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
