Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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