I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
