He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we made out on top of his cat.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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