i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
