Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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