if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
