Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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