Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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