WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
