I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
