she woke up with a sticky ear
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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