Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
