did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We have started to decorate penises.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
