Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
