Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
