I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
