I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
