Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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