By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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