Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
