Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
