i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
