I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
