So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
