You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
