Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
