Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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