This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You're like the curious george of whores
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
