he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
