Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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