Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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