I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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