I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
