i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
