I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize