What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
