First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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