Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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