nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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