I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
