PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
