Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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