I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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