I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
