Please, let me fuck your mom
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
