You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize