so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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