haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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