If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
