i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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