fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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