The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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