new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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