i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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