booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
