Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
