I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
