I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
