remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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