Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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