They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
