There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
