Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
