Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
